Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
