Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
