Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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