actually, I'm a sock model
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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