Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i now understand why vodka
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
