First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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