apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
