I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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