Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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