Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
