dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
