over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize