remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
