we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My pussy is not your playground.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
