I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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