dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
