apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
