I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
