dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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