I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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