Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
