Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just tell him i said nine months
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
do herpes really smell.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
