in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and she was petting her beer can
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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