I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
