just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just gift wrapped bread.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
