Whod you bang
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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