we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
