You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
