I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I booty called her while she was in labor.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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