i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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