the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will be naked everywhere
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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