Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
