4 words: hood of his car
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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