so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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