He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
