tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
