It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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