I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
did i walk over a car last night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
