once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
