he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
