would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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