my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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