your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
