do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
