i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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