Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
