Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
