i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
