mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sext me about skeletons
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
