Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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