I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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