I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
