finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
