I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
