Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
