I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
