i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
