She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
