i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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