I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
