Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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