sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
