Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
