Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
