It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
