you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
