Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
