I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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