yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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