Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
