i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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