my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
