You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
