you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
