sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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