in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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