i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
