Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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