I just made out with a guy for $7.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
