I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
