I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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