smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
