My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
