I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
