I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize