Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
