I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
