Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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