so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize