I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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