Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
time to smoke my breakfast
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize