Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
