Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I love having hate sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize