I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
