The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
