Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
