The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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