when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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