so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
